That is an engaging question, it helps eliminate assumption, make a clearer picture, which you people fail to do.
Well, Iâm still waiting for the purpose you serve in this conversation other than stirring up mud. anywho itâs clear you are looking for a battle so I think Iâll head elsewhere for the time being, good luck in whatever it is you are trying to do.
@rhedewayhke No. Or atleast, i always though i was the problem. Somehow. I didnât know what i did wrong, and it frustated me. Later on it turned out that my Mother was drinking secretly, and hit me without real reason. One day it came all up. She did an therapy and is now clean. Still, she is from a family of a good half a dozen children and her parents were quite strict, leading to an⌠how should i put this⌠single minded mother.
My father is intelligent, and he can be funny, but he is not wise and is quick to anger, even over trivial things. He made a lot of Money, but spend it equally quick, often on not neccesary things (or atleast in his eyes neccesary). Whenever we have an discussion, he either doesnât understand me when i get philosophical or he gets bored (he even began to sleep when i showed him minecraft, im not joking). Or he surpresses me with wordwalls, and the only thing i can do is go back into isolation.
Really, the main problem with my parents is that i have an different worldview and that our interests clash.
@Edward_Teach Good work. Keep it up. And thanks.
@GillesDeRais Donât worry, you have more wisdom then most, and certainly better writing then me.
@TankezonE Ha, thanks.
So you have a better family than most.
During your school life, what kind of interaction did you have with other people?
@rhedewayhke Yes, i have an better family then average. My Situation stems from all the factors coming together in one, single, mess.
From myself, none. I was even more introverted back then. Most of it i canât even remember. Or i should say, donât want to remember.
Oh, and it didnât help that we had to move quite often. ⌠about 3 or 4 times. My 5th, 6th, and then 7th class were all different schools.
No no, this does not answer my question at all.
Iâm talking about any form of interaction, bullies, friends, people that failed to acknowledge your existence, etc, no matter how small or time constrained.
@rhedewayhke I would like to answer your question, but there was so much. I was so much, even i think i made some of it up ! Others were never cleared up.
For example, our schoolbusses have an safety device to smash in the windows for easy escape. One day - back in the 4th class, someone went to the WC, but he shortly came back, telling the teacher that he needed to see something. One of those safety devices was on the ground, below my jacket. Obviously, i was accused. In retrospective, i think that my classmate layed it down there to frame me - why the heck would i take some safety device?
And it often wasnât even a single person. In the 7th class, half the class bullied me together - once they even had several pages of insults which they read to me in the breaks - one day i snagged them, but a teacher said i should give them back. Oh yes, most teachers were against me aswell. Mostly because i defended myself quite angrily, but how would i know back then?
And the best i had as friends - two of them, one male the other a female - was back when i was in the 4th, but afterwards i moved, soâŚ
Atleast the second try of the 11th class was leaps and bounds better, it probably helped that most of the class was female. That was probably the best time i had in school. Sadly, i never made lasting contacts with anyone.
So still nothing to warrant youâve had a hard life, which in turn means thereâs still no reason to be sympathetic towards your âproblems.â Youâre pretty damn well off, your so called social issues are trivial to non-existent at best.
All you need to do is toughen up.
Special snowflake alert.
@rhedewayhke As i said in the opening, i know that i donât have the worst. But, i wonder what you define as problems if mine apperantly donât count.
⌠it should be noted that what i wrote down isnât all, but some things should be left unspoken.
Youâre no where near the worst, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being deathly serious problems and 1 being boo boo problems, your problems would rate a 4, thatâs being incredibly generous.
@rhedewayhke Hm. On a physical level⌠probably true. But from an psychological level? Not that anyone can truly evalute that, since we are not advanced enough. But for me, it goes deep enough.
"So still nothing to warrant youâve had a hard life, which in turn means thereâs still no reason to be sympathetic towards your âproblems.â Youâre pretty damn well off, your so called social issues are trivial to non-existent at best.
All you need to do is toughen up."
Your logic is flawed.
First off, perhaps to you what he says doesnât warrant heâs had a hard life.
But you are talking about a person you really donât know. No, you canât fully know someone from three paragraphs over the internet.
Your train of thought fails when you consider your subjective opinion as an objective truth. Iâm not a person who, in his situation, would act like this. Perhaps he is being a bit overdramatic. However, that doesnât take the fact that this is an obstacle to his life, an obstacle he has trouble dealing with. Not everyone reacts the same to similar problems, and thereâs no standard way to react to that problem, either.
And you claim his problems are trivial to non-existent, based on what measurement? Are you comparing it to people starving in Africa, or something? If that was the case, none of us could express anything that troubled us, since it would all far short.
The guy could even have a personality disorder, you never know.
âAll you need to do is toughen upâ. Wow, that is so true. Because if something bothers you, the very best thing to do is to not talk about it, shut up, and simply endure it! /sarcasm.
You do realise âtoughening upâ doesnât solve jack, right? If heâs this upset by his situation, then you can guess that he probably canât tough up so easily. And even if he could, does it solve his social issues, his lack of close relationships, and his introvertedness? No, of course not.
I really donât know why you would come here only to end up saying stuff like that. Do you really think that helps? Do you really think this person hasnât thought of what youâre saying? Is this personâs problem somehow bothering you? Is the idea of this post somehow bothering you?
Oh wait, I do know why youâre doing this.
Youâre being an âattention harvesterâ, the very same thing you accuse OP of being.
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Anything psychological is entirely on you, you have total control of your mind, as far as being a human goes at least.
Anything that influences your mind, you allow it to, any problems that have to do with your psyche is entirely on you.
However those problems still rate low on the scale, since theyâre not unique to you, they happen to a vast majority of the human population, some result in suicide, most get over it, others absolutely power through it like it was nothing, few never escape it.
Question is, which category are you working towards?
Just take the best of what youâve read here and learn with it.Thatâs really all you can do and I hope you ignore the negative because it really doesnât matter.
If youâve read what you want to know and hear from others,I suggest deleting the thread.I donât say it to be rude or mean,but itâs turning into a bit of a sideshow thatâs off of your topic.Just a suggestion.
Either way I hope youâve found some guidance from others and what you were looking for.
Toughening up actually solves a lot of problems, itâs just that people that never toughen up, rarely solve their problems.
Oh please, I came here to talk with the OP, any other form of attention is given to me by people like you who canât help but have their say based on assumptions.
Itâs okay though, I forgive you, you donât seem to know any better.
Also whatâs this whole thing with people saying âignore the negativeâ Seriously thatâs one of the most regressive things anyone can do.
@NoElement think I have a pretty good idea the type of person youâre and countless things that may help you⌠It would be an essay of a post though and can get very personal. This whole thread is already pretty personal though, I am surprised I see something like this in this day and age, requires a very kind, thoughtful community for someone to even be brave enough to write it.
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Donât ever feel sorry for yourself, youâre a stronger person then that. This involves referring to yourself as an introvert, isolated, etc to⌠people are more alike then you think, but if you keep putting yourself in a mindset that says youâre meant to be alone, well your gonna end up alone.
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Keep your back straight, keep your head up⌠yes sounds like a weird tip but can be one of the most helpful and have countless meanings. Doing this all the time will make you more lively in general. When your head is down you may not pay attention to everything and be practically invisible outside. You want to look at every opportunity, look at every person with a powerful emotion, alive emotion. If its really bad, let your gamer, anime, artistic, musical or whatever you spend your time online imagination flow, also imagine every single person is exactly like you ( which everyone technically is, just other humans surviving in the world )
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Donât be afraid to start up conversations, just say what comes to your mind and think of very nostalgic/happy memories, remember that one game you were best at ? Remember when people praised your skill or wanted you to be apart of their guild cause you were that cool. Think of gaming, or cool/funny moments in anime, or even all of your time with the ToS community, weâve already made nice nostalgic memories, just have to search for them.
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Donât be sensitive. This sounds like an impossible thing for some people to just do, but you have to understand everyone or thing that hurts you is caused by individuals thoughts and life, not actually about you. If you understand this you can turn people who try to hurt you into people who try to help you. Refer to rule 1, 2, 3 if you put yourself in some mindset that the world is about you and anyone is looking at you in a bad way you will always get panic attacks. I donât care how any new people I see in real life look like, I always see everyone as a powerful, cool entity. If people treat you with disrespect, donât stoop down to their level, either effectively talk to them in a way that gains respect or confront them maturely & smartly, like an adult to a child⌠all of these people are the same so you know exactly who theyâre and they know nothing about you. Most of the time they may just be mad youâre ignoring them and trying to get some attention or start a relationship⌠speaking of that onto rule 5
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Give everyone attention, I donât care if its some super hot girl you have a crush on dating your boss or the weirdest person on the planet, give everyone you see some attention. It doesnât have to be saying anything, or smiling, just let them know you see them and exist⌠you need purpose, pretend its a T.V show I guess
Its just that life can seem depressing in many environments, especially to people without work, a motive, a passion or something productive. You should be the one who tells all the funny stuff or says something that makes everyone talkative. Yeah, sounds like a harsh rule but you have to be offensive, forget defense even exist until you have good relations with everyone in your life. -
Communicate with your family⌠your family life is so much better than a ton of others, the only issue I can come up with is you assuming your family doesnât want you. It could be the opposite, they couldâve been wanting you to be more connected to them your whole life and quit caring more about the internet than them. When you finally do start doing something, let everyone know⌠maybe they can give you more help than the ToS community.
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No excuses. Your a man now, in this world you have no excuses for excuses. Feeling to lazy to have an active, real life community involved job ? Go order a month membership at a gym. You have no excuses to waste money and complain about needing it. Want to stop being a NEET ? Go out all day, everyday, read books, explore the world, unexpectedly meet the love of your life who accepts everything about you.
I have a ton of more rules and can expand on the importance of everything if you want, but as you just said⌠you didnât tell us everything about yourself and it can be hard-impossible to talk about the most personal things in life to others, let alone strangers. PM me so we can chat privately if you want all of my help, but should be noted⌠as rhedewayhke stated, a little leery about agreeing with him, but I do believe he has a good point to be made.
Your life is a lot better than you think it is, none of your problems youâve told us are difficult-impossible to get passed and you have more potential than you think you do. Their are limitless opportunities for you, if you want my advice on which ones I personally think would be best for you we can continue this chat privately.
Where I come : Iâve seen quite a lot to say the least, and I am trying not to be conceited. In particular, I helped a avid gamer friend in real life with the same social problems you describe, but he also has a horrible, chronic health problem on the pain level of cancer, and body movement problems ( they used to move on their own ) health problems can also get rare, which all made it 10x as hard for him. I am no doctor, despite being siblings with 2, but I might have some tricks to deal with certain psychological things.
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I wish I could help but I donât know how so Iâll list some things that come in my mind.
Some may not apply to your situation so just ignore those
Have you actually had some concrete social interaction recently? if no:
it may be easier now, kids and young adults are usually meaner than most people.
after getting a job you could:
when trying to interact you could try the more aged first, watch out for things that people around you like discretely listen to they conversations, and see if you like too, it may be anything from tv shows and games to math or programming (yes old ppl play games).
Try to not look weak:
No showing emotional need. I donât want to blame @rhedewayhke its just an example:
you caused him a bad first impression resulting in a mildly aggressive comment. Itâs bad for creating social bonds.
Try to show self confidence, it should help avoiding situations where people try to abuse you.
you said about strong sense of justice some may see it as something they could exploit, you can have it but sometimes you must keep it for yourself.
If someone is mean to you retaliate, be evil but not aggressive.
Just be cautious to not overdo it.
@rhedewayhke I want you to search something please:
âmaslowâs hierarchy of human needs pyramidâ
here an image that I found on google
His need doesnât seen to be basic need but psychological needs(love/belonging, and Esteen on the pyramid), it doesnât make his problems less real.
@NoElement knowing about yourself and others may help, have you by chance heard about Jungâs personality test?
it may be worth to take a look:
about: http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/type
a test based on it: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
Hope it may be of some help
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Yep. Sure. I guess the unconcious doesnât exist, personality disorders donât need medical treatment, pedophiles can control their libido to never like children again, and thereâs no such things as neurotransmitters.
I find it hilarious that you reply that, even though you just proved that your knowledge of the human mind is non-existant.
Oh, yes, I assume we all begin a conversation with âyouâre an incredibly mentally weak drama queenâ.
Welp, if thatâs your idea of a conversation, then good luck! It surely shows how far your âtoughen upâ ideology can get you. (Btw, all of your posts are full of assumptions and generalizations. Like this, âYou people just absolutely love throwing around assumptions, you just wish Iâm the person you think I am, because itâs so much easier than actually trying to know me, too much work for unforeseen results right?â. And btw, Mr. Victim, of course no one will try to get to know you if you call someone who is asking for help a drama queen. No one wants to be with people like that. You reap what you sow.)
While they are real problems, theyâre just not as big he or others hype them up to be.
See this is how you deal with ânegativityâ properly, instead of just ignoring it like a pleb, that means you Melon.