Tree of Savior Forum

Social stress makes me write this

Off-Topic
#1

I would have preferred that i didn’t had to write this, but i have no clue where else i could disburden myself. I don’t know any forum or place or even person where i could talk or write to. I am fully aware that this textwall will sound whiny, and that no one will believe me, but the pressure makes me unable to do anything else.

Yesterday already started unpleasant. At first, “only” some bad cancer news from TotalBiscuit, together with an video by Jim about the Trans Pacific Partnership, which is gut strike for anyone.

The real deal came today when i was told by my parents that they will most likely sell our house next year.

Now, that might sound like an rather normal issue for an normal person. However, i’m an isolated, introverted and unemployed individual. Constant mobbing and lack of understanding for what i do, from my parents and anyone else, together with no friends, makes my situation that much harder. And while i have an “advanced technical certificate” (i hope that’s the right translation from “Fachhochschulreife”) i wasn’t able to get an apprenticeship in my region (i live in the relative countryside), nor did i find an college with an study that worked for me. So, i can officially only pursue low-quality work, and while im healthy, i’m constantly on the Computer, so i don’t have the body build or the mindset for prolonged hard and/or simple work. Me being highly introverted also makes it impossible to work with clients.

Originially, i wanted to improve my social ability in babysteps, starting with MMO’s. But the few MMO’s that were even interesting (or playable) to me had an to old and/or to small community to get into. I hoped that ToS would finally be the game that would solve that, but alas, time runs out.

Tommorow I will ask my assigned official from our country’s (germany) employment agency if they have some proffesional help for me. Wish me luck, i hope i get an decent one (or anything at all…).

And yes, i’m fully aware that all this is nothing compared to starving, sexually assaulted child soldiers. It is still highly stressful for me, for the reasons stated. If you think that im whiny and/or wrong, please don’t say it in angrish. And again, im introverted and isolated, so i wouldn’t know in the first place.

If you read this, thank you for reading about my problems.
… some tips would be appreciated too.

12 Likes
#2

MMOs wont help you much with social activities, a job however will, you will have to talk to many people you don’t know or don’t like and you’ll get used to it.

3 Likes
#3

First off i dont even know from where i can start, anyway, i do hope you find your help, and imho, online games or any kind of online community is not the way to try overcome this, first off, you will feel confortable here since you dont see anyone’s face and neither anyone here will see your face + in here anyone can be anyone they want, so one can come to you and say they are specialist and end up guiding you to the wrong path. But i do hope you have some fun on ToS, and again, good luck.

1 Like
#4

Let me just say that,to start,I like you as a forum member and what you contribute to the community.

Can I ask why you think it’s too late for you to become more social in ToS? I don’t think it is at all.And while the house being sold may make you unavailable for a short time next year,you can always come back.I don’t think the game is going anywhere.And if the friends you’ve made/will make in game are truly your friends,they’ll support you and be excited to play with you when you return.

I totally get you with the social situation.I’ve been essentially stuck in customer service/fast food or similar BS even though I hate most people.That’s why I like communities like these,because I can find people I DO like and make friends that hopefully last.The way I try to see it is,if I can get through the social jobs that I have that I don’t like,eventually I can find one I do prefer and at the end of the day no matter what,I have places like this to come home to.It’s very nice.

I don’t agree that MMO’s aren’t a good way to overcome issues with being social.Talking to anyone,even online,is better than no one at all.It’s helped me at least,and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I know what you mean about the TPP too.It’s causing a lot of tension here in the US with the divide on the opinion of it being so large.I’m personally against it myself [and I’m a Sanders supporter],and I think the numbers against are growing.It does more harm than good,and I’m glad people are starting to see that.

Sorry I let this get so long,but if you ever need someone on here to vent more to,I’m here.I think genuinely good members of this community should help one another out.

2 Likes
#5

[quote=“NoElement, post:1, topic:65942”]
… some tips would be appreciated too.[/quote]
“You have to crawl before you walk” – Grandmother.

When looking for my first job a year after I graduated from Highschool, I was hoping I’d find something/anything computer-related. I spent a lot of my time learning how to program and fix issues before I even graduated, so I was confident I could do the job that a Bachelor’s Degree (4-year University) could do.

Unfortunately, Employer’s don’t think so unless you actually have that Degree. So I couldn’t even apply for one of those jobs, and ended up settling for an entry-level customer-service job. I was nervous at first, and I was nervous even further as weeks went by because while other employees talked about TV Drama shows and Sports, I couldn’t join in the convo because all I basically watched was Anime and I was hoping they didn’t try to include me in it because I’d have nothing to relate to them with. I didn’t wanna just continue being semi-quiet though, so I ended up having to watch some of the shows they talked about just so I could have convo’s with them. Soon enough, it became easier talking with everyone just by doing something so simple, and I felt more relaxed there until the place started to feel comfortable for me.

Point is, you’re in a Cocoon state. You have to literally force yourself to do something you’re afraid of doing, and once you start it, you simply start adapting to it. You’re not going to be stuck in the place you’re in unless you choose that route for yourself, and even if something else slows you down or stops you and you feel like going back into a Cocoon again, force your way back out. Nothing’s over until you’re dead, so make the most of your life.

4 Likes
#6

I think he meant in real life dear.

Talking is not the issue, he can talk on online games, the issue is, he will feel confortable doing so, but when it comes to real life, he have to face the other person in the end, or no one will take him serious.

And here we get the right path.

@NoElement In the end it all depend on your willpower to go through and advance towards your goal in life.

#7

Yeah maybe so.Admittedly some parts were worded a little oddly,perhaps from translation issues.My end message remains unchanged though.

#8

Could be, but its explained so no losses, now only wish him some luck on getting help tomorrow.

#9

@thebloodyaugust It sounds so simple, and it is true, but for me it is very hard. Even starting an conversation in an MMO is quite hard for me, despite the fact that im surrounded by people with atleast similar interests, a luxury i don’t have here. Talking with other people in an job is that much worse. Thanks for the tip though.

@nando20xx Being anonymous is helping me to start of an conversation in the first place. Yes, i’m that much introverted. And thanks.

@Melon Thank you, i try to be an good member for the community. I try to give this community what i didn’t receive in my past.
I know that ToS will stay, but i wanted to get into the community as soon as possible, unlike the older MMO’s i had before. Since i rarely talk, (i try to talk only when i feel that it would contribute to the discussion, not something i often do succesfully) i wanted to be closer with my presence and ingame achievments. And yes, im not really reaching that much with ingame achievments, but i don’t have anything else.
I don’t know what weights me down more, the lack of understanding from anyone, including my parents, or the lack of finding an job. But i would feel much better if i had atleast either.
TPP is like from an dystopian fever dream, im seriously afraid of that.
And thanks, again.

@Sixaxis As i mentioned, i was isolated - probably what you mean with “cocoon”. The main issue isn’t that i didn’t made the cocoon myself, i was forced into it by society. I even wasn’t that introverted to begin with. But when i am attacked by all sides, the only way left to go is inside. Mind you, i worked for years against the cocoon, and if you think im introverted, you shouldn’t see me 15 years ago… And I see what you mean, but while i’m much better working practically, no one here has shown the patience to let me show it, so far. Really, my main talking point with the mentioned proffesional will be how i could show others “that im able”.

Im also sorry for any missunderstandings. I understand english almost perfectly, but again, introversion isn’t helpful in that regard. I see that when you guys write and read so fast, while i’m in an slow crawl.

Finally, if i didn’t had the willpower, it would have ended much sooner on an more… grim note.

1 Like
#10

I already passed through the same, but since we are from 2 different cultures (im from Brazil) i dealt with it by ignoring, but not after i made myself clear to the other part (both verbaly and physically) i just walked away from who want to cause me problems.

This is already the big step you can take, and as you show that you didnt lose your willpower, im sure you can walk ahead and start your new life.

2 Likes
#11

@nando20xx I never was able to ignore the attacks. What i didn’t mention so far is that i also have an strong sense of justice - and i wanted my bullies to be brought to justice, but i didn’t know how - so i was always angry, which lead to me being isolated even more.
I hope that i will be able to start anew, after all i prepared 15+ years for this. To get out of the cocoon, i mean.

#12

You need to get more self-confidence. Start to get in shape by stretching and doing calisthenics, push yourself physically, give it some time and it will become easier to push yourself mentally as well.

#13

Yeah, i know what you mean, i do have too, but when i see that whatever i do wont work, i just do it my way, unfortunately, there are “humans” that act that way.

#15

Yeah, keep up your mentality, could had done better by just ignoring his post, even if it was a fake statement of his, you could just ignore, but instead you decided to be ignorant, good going.

1 Like
#16

@Banguin Self-confidence was indeed an problem i had… not surprising to not have that when no one believed in my abilitys. However, the years didn’t go by without improving some things, one of them being self confidence.

@rhedewayhke I was wondering when someone like you showed up. You weren’t the first one, and you won’t be the last one to say that. But tell me, would it have been better if i said nothing? No, of course not. So many people go to the grave without saying anything.

#17

Don’t mind him the nosiest dog is often the smallest.

1 Like
#18

A bit off-topic here but, Is it just me or the flag system is not working, i did flag a post earlier now i cant lol.

#19

Nope mine works, you over your limit for the day?

#20

So all of you are throwing assumptions at me and claiming to be in the right.

Honestly, where did you people get your sense of morality? The bible?

#21

O so its all about you now? That sounds like sympathy harvesting with the world against you and all kinda like your :