Tree of Savior Forum

Relationship is going downhill fast

Off-Topic
#1

So I am leaving the Military in about 1 week. Me and my girlfriend were super excited about it and we planned out how we would live and spend this year. Well, by some shear struck of bad luck, the place she was working at has been shutdown and she is out of a job. Unfortunately, my girlfriend is one of those “lives paycheck to paycheck” sort and has no savings. To top things off, she just moved into a new apartment because we were planning on moving in together.

Well, now she can hardly afford next months rent and can’t pay for anything else like food, utilities, clothes, etc.

I love her, but I feel that I should not be financially responsible for her since she isn’t careful with her money. I warned her about making a savings over a year ago, for “just in case.” But she laughed me off, saying her job was pretty secure.

Am I a terrible boyfriend if I change my mind about moving in with her and possibly want to break up?

Its just really crappy that she had to get laid off right when I am about to leave the service. I’m unemployed with a very meager savings (Only about 2k saved.) Its supposed to keep me afloat until my GI bill for college kicks in this fall, but I can’t keep her supported and myself at the same time.

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#2

Troll much.

#3

My opinion? Yes,I think it does.When you say living paycheck to paycheck,I imagine she puts it all into what she needs to pay for,with no extra to spare.So saving up to someone in that situation is difficult.Her reasoning wasn’t great,but if you were prepared to move in with her and were as excited as you say,then that and your relationship at this point should be more enough to still move forward with your plans;or at least give it a try.

Besides,you say this like she just lost her job.Maybe try being more supportive.

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#4

I can understand why you may be feeling the way you are at the moment. I think this really depends how long you have been in your relationship with her and what level of seriousness that relationship is. At the end of the day, you really need to look out for yourself–especially when it comes to your education when coming out of the military and going to use the GI Bill. If trying to support the both of you is going to kill your future prospects as well, it may be better to re-examine your relationship and moving in together.

However, if you’ve been in your relationship for four years or were at the stage where you were potentially planning on getting engaged? That is an entirely different story.

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#5

Her getting laid off was very unfortunate. I never had been in that situation, but someone I care about has and the important thing is being supportive in the situation and not pessimistic. Also, it’s understandable to question your relationship at this point because it’s a significant move. She didn’t save up correctly as you said, but learning the hard way makes people realize the dire need to save. I don’t believe you’ve been a bad boyfriend from what I’m reading and it depends on the depth of your relationship and the love you have for her that will tell you whether to leave or hang in there, and manage. Wish you both well.

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#6

yes. yes you are. 20 characters

#7

Sadly such unfortunate events happens without any warnings or signs.
It is inevitable that you end up questioning and doubting yourself at this point faced against such an adversary…

Frankly speaking I’d say the idea is terrible of just leaving her like that… At this point you should rather be supportive about the situation than leaving on such bad terms… However if both of you were already in a long term relationship and were planning to get more serious, We cannot deny the fact that she isn’t taking the future too seriously which I’d say would be pretty bad in a long run… But at this point this might be how fate is telling her to change her attitude about it…

Youu have the freedom of choice to decide, It is up to you on how you’d wanna see it through.
If you happen to see it through, Try to lookout for her and help her out in such a crisis… Best of luck.

#8

No, you’re not. That’s a tough moment both of you are going through, and there’s nothing terrible about not moving in with her.

Unless you’re 101% sure that this will be a long-lasting relationship and that she’s going to stick with you through thick and thin, there’s absolutely no reason to blow all your savings on someone who might not be with you 2 years from now, on top of not having saved money when you told her so.

I might be coming off as harsh, but life IS harsh. If you’re having second thoughts on taking such a big step as moving in with someone AND financially supporting her on something that she’s to blame for on some degree, just don’t do it. The only life you’re supposed to take care of is yours, and nobody else’s.

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