Let's speak about depression

[drake_tempestos]

Something I’ve always asked myself while playing ToS was: Why would players keep complaining about many things in this game, but still keep playing?

It should be simple to answer that, since I was one of them… but for some reason, it wasn’t.

The excuses were almost always the same:

“There’s nothing else to do.”
“I’ll just finish that and quit/logout.”
“I’m playing because of my guild/friends.”

That changed when I started playing with really hardcore people. It wasn’t exactly my choice, a friend wanted to join a big guild, and I simply followed her, hoping to be able to ignore some things I knew I would see and disapprove (cheating, toxism, elitism, extremism in general, etc).

Well, I was wrong. I was able to ignore some things, but over time others would arise.

For example, the guild leader would play while at work. And not just any job, but a job at a pet shop. We would hear dogs barking in the background during voice calls. A job that many people would see as a dream (including myself), wasted at the hands of an irresponsible… and that was just the tip of the iceberg, but I’m not going into details to avoid diverting the subject.

Anyway, what really messed with my head was the day I heard what sounded like a baby crying in the background. The father was “too busy” hunting field bosses.

For the first time in my life, I would feel like a piece of ■■■■ while playing.

I mean, my addiction to MMOs started in a difficult period of my life. I would come back from school and play for hours, to forget any crap that had happened… but for the first time I wondered, how far would this go? When would this end? Or even, would this end? At this point, I was sure those people had crossed a line that I would never be able to.

For the first time too, I would try to talk to some people who played with me, about real life, in a serious way.

I was surprised to find that those people weren’t what I thought they were. Behind all those jokes, memes, “lol”… really sad people, depressive to be more precise. I also finally realized, I was one of them.

Suddenly many memories would come to my mind in such sequence that something would be evident: Most of the players I did know in ToS had depression at some level (including myself).

Most of them would admit it, loud and clear, but they would argue that they couldn’t do anything about it (mostly men in my experience). Others would not only ignore it, but they would also be bothered about the subject, preferring to keep playing (mostly women in my experience).

That situation somehow was… “liberating”.

My will to keep playing ToS (or any MMO) would disappear. All the bad experiences I had with this community and game itself would start to fade away. Like… didn’t matter anymore, all those became minuscule problems if compared to a problem that despite the gigantic proportions, I would not have been able to see until recently.

I tried to explain to those close to me about the situation, convince them that it wasn’t too late. However, they all looked plastered. For every possible solution I could think of, they would counter it with a negative thought.

If stopping to think, I would conclude that my situation wasn’t different. I would deny any help, thinking it would be useless. I would drive away family and friends, with negativity alone. And it was the first thing I decided to change.

Now, I didn’t give up seeing some of the magnificent people I met in this game, get out of it. But I think if I want to get someone out of this abyss, I need to get myself out first. And this may take a while…

And that’s it. I’m leaving this testimony here with the intention of exposing something that I would have liked to have noticed before. If you’re having fun with this game (or any other), and is able to balance it with your real life, my sincere congratulations. Otherwise, I really wish you find the way out.

[random_user]

Remember you’re here forever.

[lunettesrouges]

I’ll try to reply more in details another time but, like the anonymous alcoholics, there are plenty of circles where people suffering from any addictions can exchange.

Even in real life, when at some point you invest “too much” time about something or someone, people won’t just stop because things are not doing like they expect
The thing about internet especially in this korean game, you could notice already the non exist moderation (no gms active in game or doing social events ) and that the worst behaviors are displayed “naturally”. Even the social aspect is absent in the game functions.

About the pet shop you could try to talk it out with him, but he has this habit now since a long time I suppose unless you prefer to make him fired.

About babies crying, when you look after them and rush every time they cry or scream, they just want attention mostly even if they are not hungry, diapers dirty or even sick or are just bored.

Even if some players are depressed, they don’t play to seek help or make you drown in their misery.

Usually, there should be “solutions” when you are not well, but you cannot live their lives if they don’t have the will to get better when it’s possible (not talking about diseases or disability etc…)

Life is about priorities, and what make some happy may not be true for everyone.

[aleparadisetos]

Just play in you free time, if you have a lot of free time just get a job.

[_DrRM_]

never say “just get a job” talk is cheap, but the walk is harder than it seems…

I would though, recommend to have more variable hobbies why at it…

for example, I not only roll on the floor, I do so in my bed too and later will also do it in my grave after am gone

[Rob-Mar]

I think it got a tad bit longer than I expected

Most of the players I did know in ToS had depression at some level

Honestly, this sentence can be used to take on so many different scenarios, involving all kinds of people or activities.

Gaming, or pretty much a whole lot of different types of things (be it legal or illegal), is mostly used as an “escape” from real life; people want to forget a bit about problems, want to have a laugh, look at different things, even if it is through a screen. As you pretty much pointed it out.

It feels good to do something that “frees” you from the ordinary life, or that day-to-day routine that sometimes feels boring, tiring, or even miserable. Of course, as you said, sometimes it backslashes, or it evolves into something that brings the opposite effect. And that is actually quite normal to happen, since “feeling good” can be addicting.

Even though I would like to talk about it, I can’t say anything about the “irresponsibility” at work, or fatherly duties, as I am not related to any of those people, neither do I know them, nor the situation. In that case, it is out of my bounds to say anything about it.

However, on toxicity, or any of the other behaviours you mentioned… those are pretty personal things, some people are like that, some people aren’t, maybe a few of those people are going through things that end up making them act like, maybe they aren’t. It is something that depends on the person and how they are, most of the time some situations leave such behaviours more extreme than it would normally be/make those behaviours appear.

But, what I said until now is more dilly-dallying than anything.

It is tough to point out depression, or say something like, “it is like this; it is like that. You do this and you cure that”. There are lots of types. People are different, and so are their feelings, ways, and solutions for different situations. Sometimes addiction to something is related, sometimes it is not.

One would need someone that actually understands such subject properly to talk and then understand it.

Most of them would admit it, loud and clear, but they would argue that they couldn’t do anything about it (mostly men in my experience). Others would not only ignore it, but they would also be bothered about the subject, preferring to keep playing (mostly women in my experience).

I mean, no one wants to go out of their way to say, “Hey, I have depression”, it’s understandable that one would try to hide it, since it can be treated like it isn’t anything relevant (and then they will get the old, “just cheer up”), or like it is something way out of the top, and someone will make a really big deal about it, bringing the spotlight on it, which is mostly uncomfortable and uncalled for (of course I know there are a lot of sensible people, that would be actually helpful and supportful in such a situation, but, keep in mind you are not taking things on a positive light most of the type; in such cases, you only deal with the extremes, it is all, or it is nothing).

And, the people that say they have, but, don’t have control over it, they are partially right. Of course you can “fight” it, but, can you when it is your own self that is the problem? It is hard, really hard. Think of it like a gigantic wall that you were told to bring down, you know what is the problem, you may know how to solve it, but, you aren’t confident you can bring it down as simply as your mind says it.

Even if some players are depressed, they don’t play to seek help or make you drown in their misery.

And that is another fair point too. Even if they play, they might not want to talk about it, they might not want others to know about it and try to be empathetic. And a place such as the internet/online games are great for that, because they can have a social experience, but they don’t have to show their real selves.

On to the last part of it.

Even if you want to help someone that it is in a situation like that, you can’t grab a hand that is not stretched, and, if you try to force it, the backslash could be worse than actually letting them go to/stay where they want to be/are. Some people only realise how they are when they reach the bottom, some understand things as people point them, it is a matter that changes according to the person related to it.

And, if you really want to help someone that you feel like it is going on a “path of damnation”, just being there can be of great help (doing something more is something only you can decide according to the situation). That’s more of my personal opinion than anything else; if you want to help, but, don’t feel up to the task, I think it is better to do not go into it too much, since it is something quite delicate to deal with most of the time.

And I think I can use this to end my say here.

Life is about priorities, and what make some happy may not be true for everyone.

Now, not about depression, but the overall things the post said. People might have fun in the game being toxic, might like being elitist, might do not mind disregarding real life stuff, well… you got my idea, each person defines what is and what is not the first thing in their life.

Anyhow, the fact that you saw yourself getting too invested in the game (or in games), and wants to change something is great.
It is your choice, but, if you are making it to live a better life, one that will make you feel healthier mentally, physically, or both, that’s great.

Well, I just decided to add to the topic because I like the subject, and find an interesting point to discuss.