(Warning: Wall of text)
How old was I when I first was left with a sense of wonder that I could never describe? I think I was… twelve or thirteen when I first tasted a feeling of discovery when I took hold of Ragnarok Online’s closed beta. How young I was when we goofed around forming silly conga lines and acting like silly little dorks through text?
My first class change happened after nearly three… four… five days of mindlessly hitting porings and lunatics in a field. I remember walking to Izlude, excited that today I was going to become a swordsman. I passed basic fighting test and was given a falchion for my efforts. Today, I became a swordsman.
“Hey! Let’s travel to Payon! I need to class change there!” I remember a girl named Soppii asked me at the time.
“Sure! But… how do we even get there?” my character Miri asked.
We had no idea… so we wandered aimlessly. While an interesting score of music played in the background, we travelled around the world together… I was left with a sense of exploration and wonder as I excitedly flirted with my compatriot every now and then. We were great friends.
Nearly fifteen years later, as I’m remembering this, Lord Stormakov passes by me in Fredimian.
“Isn’t that the top level player elite?” I wondered to myself.
Suddenly feeling nervous, I stood attention and saluted.
“Lord Stormakov, Sir!” I proclaimed.
“Hey Miriam! How are you enjoying things so far?” he asked.
“I’m fighting the good fight, Sir!” I excitedly proclaimed… I was still only level 58 I think, and I was here to buy some better potions you couldn’t buy in Klapeida.
“That’s good, keep it up!” I remember him telling me…
“Yes, milord!” I stated back still saluting.
And like that… he was gone…
“I hope I left a good impression on him…” I thought to myself quietly.
Now wasn’t the time to think about that, now was the time to keep venturing into unknown territory to find those precious goddess statues. I stared into the sea of mobs over level 100 and I’m suddenly reminded of my perilous journey to Geffen… to Glast Heim…
Why was I doing this? Well, to be honest, I got bored of grinding at some point. When the game launched, I was filled with such excitement, I couldn’t even contain myself. I’ve been trying to find a game to satisfy my inner lust for a sense of exploration, a journey of growth, and to commune with others.
My last MMO was Mabinogi, and I only remember how lonely it felt in Mabi. A fun game, for sure, but there was no expectation on partying at all at some point. I soloed everything, and this game wasn’t really an exception. I soloed again. I started to submerse myself in the gaming experience myself. I kept pushing forward because the mere sight of numbers increasing made me feel some fulfillment that I only felt in Ragnarok Online.
And then… at level 50… I was plunged into a world with no direction of where to go. I had to look for my next objective… myself. Without a hand to hold on to me and guide me, suddenly I felt more naked than I have ever felt before.
“Is this content even implemented?” I wondered to myself, “Oh well… let’s see if there’s some quests I can pick up at least.”
Through dialogue, I started to slowly understand that the content is, in fact, implemented. My objective was still clear, yet the methodology was vague. And that was when I was left with a sense of wonder and exploration again. I had to find the hidden secrets this new land had in waiting for me.
At some point, I did indeed get tired of grinding monsters and decided to take a break. I told someone I was on teamspeak with that I was going to gamble all my cards away. We had to do it in channel 1 Klapeida, though. That was when I started playing cards with him, and then a challenger approached us shortly.
“I’m next!” he demanded.
I got off the table and let him sit on it and I watched the game play while stating, “I’ll cheer for you from back here Tarson!”
“What?” he asked, “Like Tea Gardner?”
Suddenly I was sparked with the most dorky, silly idea I haven’t had in a long time. Yes! I could be Tea (Anzu) and uselessly cheerlead my friend on with words of “friendship” and “belief”.
"How many cards you got?"I asked on teamspeak.
“This is my last one,” he stated.
I furiously typed in, “You can’t let him beat you! I believe in you Tarson! Friendship can never be defeated!”
That was when he made his mind boggling comeback, going from one card to nearly ten. That card battle lasted for hours. In the end, the power of friendship and the king of games Tarson ended up losing. Our opponent stated how joyful the experience was and how they had to do this again.
I met a ton of wonderful people along the way. I saw friendships form to conquer the immovable wall known as the level 25-35 grind. As I stood alone to fight a gauntlet of bosses myself, I felt a slight tinge of regret that I ran forward to face the hoards of foes myself. Being alone, I felt anxiety and excitement at what kind of horrors awaited me in the next room or next quest. If only all of those lower level players could see what I am seeing right now!
At some point, I stopped progressing because I was distracted by several things. My weapons were outdated and I needed an upgrade to face these new foes. I also needed to get a white flower hairpin to make my character look better with my goggles I was lucky enough to receive on day one. I found a Glit Helm before I found my Thresh Two hander. Yes… this will be the weapon I use to fight those foes, but I needed a hammer now… and much more money.
“You can get a Warpick in the graveyard,” I recall someone telling me.
I vaguely remember that place… where did I see it again? My friend reminded me that it was the level 50 zone above the garden. Oh right! That’s where I got my collosus sword from!
I ventured there and looked around for any hidden secrets. I picked up a soul and it encircled around me. “What was this for?” I wondered.
Nearly three or four hours passed by before I found out what I had to do. I had received my reward, a full set of level 15 armor with an untranslated set bonus. I had no idea what it did, and the armor ratings were worse than my current armor. That didn’t stop me from putting on the whole thing anyway!
It took another day to figure out what it did, and I enjoyed every second of theory crafting about it’s effects. That was when the grind started to slow down a lot, for me. I wondered… how could I hit this rock scorpion for 100 damage, but critical for nearly 1000 with my trusty Warpick? I really didn’t understand how the critical disparity could be so high.
That’s when I realized it. The untranslated attribute for Aggression increased my critical attack to nearly 1000. The next day… me and Tarson spent it theory crafting how critical damage works.
“My critical rate isn’t high enough,” I thought to myself. And so I started to remove my high level gems in my sword and replace it with green gems to increase my critical rate. I must get more critical rate! I crafted… I hunted… I argued about the grind… I gloated at my success… I grinded for white hair… I was content…
The beta only lasted so long. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to explore it more. I wanted to get to the next quest line and push forward towards my next objective. I wanted… to help these wonderful friends I made level up to my point so we could play together. I didn’t have that privilege because I was running out of time. Fine… At least I can get as far as I can through the main quest. Level 68 was when I stopped pushing forward. There was only a few hours left. It was time to say goodbye… even I knew that.
On the stairs, a flag man waved his flag, ever so persistent. As I watched him keep waving that flag, I got to witness one last final moment of pointless entertainment. And that was when the server killed itself. I haven’t had that much fun in 15 years. This would be my new following. I didn’t want anything about the game to be changed. It was fine the way it is. Other than the bugs, of course.